First, Happy Black History Month!
[This is from 2020. But, I cannot improve on this]
There are a few words and phrases that have played on repeat in my mind for years.
My Dad, once in the middle of a serious diatribe about something none of us remember, said “cakes, cookies, and pies” and to this day we all 1. say this and 2. laugh about it.
The way my Mississippi Grandfather said BBQ - “buh buh q”.
My Mom saying “look it up” whenever I asked how to spell something. (She meant the dictionary, not Google. That’s how we did it back in the 90s, little ones)
James Baldwin has a quote I think about all the time,
“To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a state of rage almost, almost all of the time — and in one's work.”
It wasn’t until last year (2020) that I stopped just thinking about that but finally really heard it. And then I realized, I was constantly in a state of rage.
I started working on unlearning things too last year. Things no one consciously taught me.
Like code-switching. It just comes second nature to me and I have no idea how or when I learned that. It comes so naturally that my real voice — how I naturally talk sometimes feels like an act.
I’m sorry. I’m going off on a tangent. It’s a Nichols thing.
Back to the first line of this:
Rest.
Another phrase I think about is “Rest is resistance”. And 2020 finally gave me time to fully understand that.
My parents went to work way earlier than I did. And my grandparents? Earlier than that. My Grandfather stopped going to school after the 6th grade. And he left to go to work. He worked until he couldn’t anymore. He never really rested. From 6th grade to 80 — that man worked.
My Dad just retired. He’s in his 60s.1
We’re getting better at this.
I constantly think about the generations who walk into every room and space with me. The shoulders I’m elevated on.
I think about my hands — how they are soft and only have calluses from playing music years ago, and not from hard labor and never truly resting.
My ancestors were brought here to work until they couldn’t anymore.
Rest truly is resistance.
This Black History Month, make sure you don’t look to us to do the hard labor of teaching you.
We resting.
Black history is American history.
Look it up.
More:
White Women — especially — do way better.
Since the writing of this, my Mama has also retired. Several times. lol
Beautiful, in all the ways